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At My Breaking Point

September 16, 2007


I really am starting to think that I am getting to my breaking point. My job is not very physically demanding. But it can most defiantly leave you mentally drained if you’re not careful, and once you get to that point it’s almost imposable to dig yourself out.

It’s hard sometimes, constantly crunching numbers in your head, trying to get ahead so that if you have a bad night, or a bad hour, you have a little bit of a cushion to fall back on. I have my whole work week broken down into 3 ½ minute increments, from the start of the night to the end of the night, for every night of the week. At any given time I know exactly how much money I need to have, and want to have in that cash register, and what my running total is for the week. This way if I fall behind, I can start adjusting my game plan for the night, and for the rest of the week. From running a few more dance specials to cutting the songs a few seconds shorter. I have to know how to dig my self out of a hole, and know how to keep myself from falling too deep into one, if needed.

Not to mention all the added stress of having to deal with this fucking “Senate Bill 16 / Issue 1 shit“. Now not only do I have to worry about making sure that there is enough money in that register for the night/week, but I also have to make sure that we have raised our share of money to help fight against a state wide law that would effectively put an end to the adult entertainment industry across the entire state. WTF?

Across the state of Ohio there are approximately 186 adult clubs, only about 50 or so are actually participating to fight this legislation; the rest of them just want to sit back and reap the rewards of everyone else’s hard work; selfish cock suckers!

Since the start of this battle we have had to raise about $400,000 a week to get to the point that we are at right now. That was just to get an injunction against it and get it put on the ballot for the people of Ohio to vote on. Now that we have it on the ballot, as an industry, we need to raise about 1 million dollars per week to pay for all the advertising and to get all the information out to the general public. That’s a big fucking nut to split up between 50 goddamned clubs! And not all of those clubs are pulling their weight either, so that’s extra weight the rest of us have to pull.

When your mind is constantly working, you really start to cherish those moments when you can just let your brain shut down and do nothing, even if it is only for a few minutes or so at a time. That’s the thing, I think, that most people have a hard time understanding. If I’m being quiet and not really doing anything, it’s not because I’m in a bad mood, or because something is wrong; I’m just trying to relax, I don’t need to be cheered up, I just want to be left alone for a bit.

My wife, god bless her little heart, I love her to death, but she is a major contributor to this. I work hard, and I work A LOT. I typically work about six days a week at the club, not counting all of the extra shit that I do “off the clock”. I can tell you right now, thanks to my wife’s superhuman ability to plan things, and given the total number of days off that I get, it will be well over a month before I get a day to myself.

I know that I don’t get to see my family as often as I like. But I do it for them, I do it so that I can provide them with the type of things that I never had as a kid. I also do this so that I can provide my daughter with something that most children today don’t get an opportunity to have; a stay at home parent. You’d be hard pressed to find a family in America that isn’t dependant on having two incomes to survive. I make enough money at my job to do more than “just get by”, and I make enough that we can afford to have my wife stay at home with my daughter and still be able to provide those extras that every family likes to have. But I don’t do this without having to make a sacrifice, and it’s a sacrifice that I often regret having made. I miss out on a lot of things, and I don’t get to spend as much time with my wife and daughter as I like, it’s an emotional tug-of war.

I guess I’m just getting to that point and need to let off a little steam, something to temporarily relieve the stress until I can get some time to recuperate and start the whole process over again. Thanks for listening, and please don’t take this for anything more than what it really is… a bitter stress filled rant. I love my wife and daughter very much and wouldn’t change a thing about them.

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