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May 24, 2006

I start this “journal” with no delusions of grandeur; I am by my own admittance not a great man, I am not a powerful man; am simply just a man. I have done things that I am both proud of, and ashamed of at the same time. I have done things that some would admire me for, and for those same things, some would condemn me. I am by no means trying to justify the things I have done in my life, just simply to “confess” them, if not to the world then to myself. This is not, by any means, an attempt at “fame” or “stardom” through my “uncanny ability to put words to my thoughts and emotions”.

To be completely honest I am doing this for my own benefit, to in some way satisfy a longing I have to admit to the things that I have done, and to admit to the reasons I have done them without fear of judgment or retribution. In all probability I will be the only person to ever read the things I have written here, but if by some stroke of luck (or lack there of) this does find it’s way into the hands of another person, maybe you will be able to learn from my mistakes without having to have made them for yourselves, or even be inspired by one of my successes and expand on them in a way that I would have never thought possible.

To start, I should probably tell you a little bit about myself. I am at this time 27 years of age, not an old man, but at the same time, not a young man either. I am not old enough to call myself “wise” but am not so young as to be “naïve” of the situations I find myself in. I consider myself to be an intelligent man, maybe not by the standards that most would consider “intelligent“, but definatly not ignorant.

To me intelligence is not measured by ones ability to memorize and repeat facts from a book, but in ones ability to think independently. To take the things that you learn and apply them to life, not just know them for the sake of knowing them. To take the things you know, apply them to a situation, and deal with it quickly and decisively.

There are a great deal of people that I have known throughout my life that were considered smart, because they always received good grades, were always at the top of the class, and never got in trouble. To me, if you never get in trouble that means that you never test the boundaries, and if you never test the boundaries then you can never go any ware, you are just simply going through the motions; simply conforming to what society thinks you should be.

I once heard an adage that when I started to read I thought to myself “only an ass hole would think this way”, but as I finished reading it I had decided that I wanted to be that “ass hole“.

The adage read as this: “A reasonable man will adapt to his environment, an unreasonable man will expect his environment to adapt to him,”

“Simple enough right? What kind of self centered prick would expect his environment to adapt to him and his point of view?”

Here was the kicker, the adage concluded: “therefore all progress is made by unreasonable men.”

“How fucking true is that!”

Had the founders of this country been reasonable men, where would we be? Had Martin Luther King Jr. been a reasonable man, what would this country be like? Had the leaders of this country been reasonable men, where would we as a nation be?

Now had I not formed such an early opinion about this saying before I had finished reading it, I would most likely have forgotten it soon after, but since I rushed to judgment, this saying has stayed with me since the moment I read it.

I learned from this adage two things. The first, obviously, was that if you conform and do what is expected of you, no progress or change can ever be made. And without change we as a people, and me as a person, can never improve upon our selves. Without change we would be condemned to simply repeating the same day of our lives over and over again.

Now I should add that, up until this point in my life I strove to be a “reasonable man”, maybe not a reasonable man as defined by this saying, but a reasonable man none the less, and I think that is why I rushed to judgment so quickly when I started reading this adage; I almost took it as a personal jab at myself.

After reading this passage and really contemplating it, though, I decided that I should strive to be an “unreasonable man”, to think outside of the box and deal with things in a way that is not dictated by etiquette, but to do what is required to make the outcome be a favorable one.

The second was simply not to rush to judgment, to make sure I have taken the time to assess the situation in whole before I form an opinion. To make sure I have all the facts.

Quite frankly, even though I never voiced my opinion about this saying before I finished reading it, I still feel like I made a fool out of myself by not reading the thing in full before forming an opinion about it. I don’t mind doing things that other people think might are foolish, as long as what I’m doing makes sense to me, but to make a fool out of myself to myself – unforgivable!

All and all not what you would call a momentous event in life, but a memorable one, that did change my outlook on a lot of things, and how I deal with certain situations.

As for these afore mentioned “intelligent people” that I have known throughout my life, some have done good for theirselvs, becoming doctors, lawyers, business men, ect. The majority of them, however, haven’t been able to make that transition from the structured environment of school, rather it be high school or collage, into the real world. I often bump into them working at gas stations, wal-mart, or my personal favorite… serving my dinner to me when I go out to eat.

I would be lying if I told you that I didn’t derive a certain amount of pleasure from those types of situations, but in all actuality I only wish well to them and hope that they are happy no matter what their station in life is. Who am I to judge anyway? I’m a manager at a fucking titty-bar for Christ sakes!

As I said I have no delusions of grandeur, but what I do have is a sense of reality and confidence. I know running a gentlemen’s club might not be the most glamorous job in the world, but “hay the money is good, the job is fun, and it allows me to explore other avenues of creativity“. Aside from that I have actually learned a lot about running a business and what it takes to make a business successful. Rather its selling tittys, tires, cars, or nose jobs, business is business after all, and you can’t argue with the bottom line, that all mighty American dollar.

Categories: Life, Personal
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